


Enough

by MrsWhovian



Category: Holby City
Genre: Ange loves her son, Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, TW: addiction, the conversation we all need them to have, tw: abuse, tw: cancer, tw: shooting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:54:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29675232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsWhovian/pseuds/MrsWhovian
Summary: Dom has had enough.  And he tells Ange exactly why.  Takes storylines from the show, so features cancer, abuse, shooting, addiction etc.  Takes place post s22e38, when Ange tells Chloe that she is going to stay with Dom in case he gets upset in the night.  A conversation that I thought they ought to have, so I started writing.  Three days and 5000 words later... here we are!!
Relationships: Dominic Copeland & Ange Goddard
Comments: 5
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

1.35am.

Ange stirred in the uncomfortable chair as a soft sound awoke her. After telling Chloe that she was going to stay with Dom, in case he got upset in the night, she had covered herself with the blanket and settled into an uneasy sleep. She felt like she woke up several times an hour, convinced she could hear Dom whispering her name. But every time she woke up, he was asleep, with a look on his face that almost looked resigned.

This time, however, Ange could definitely hear something. Looking over to her son in his hospital bed, she could see his body shaking as he cried quietly, head turned away from her.

Softly, she padded over to the other side of his bed, running a hand through his hair as she perched on the side of it.

“I’m here, sweetheart,” she said quietly, watching as he stilled immediately, opened his eyes and wiped away the tears.

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” he muttered, looking down at his hands.

“It’s why I’m here,” Ange assured him. “I told Chloe I wanted to stay with you in case you got upset in the night. Besides, I wasn’t sleeping properly anyway. I was listening out for you. I don’t want you to deal with this on your own.”

“There’s no point,” Dom said dejectedly. “You might as well go.”

Ange, who up until that point had still been stroking his hair, moved her hand down to cup his face, thumb gently stroking his cheek.

“I’m staying here sweetheart. I love you, and I’m staying here. You are not alone.”

“Yes I am.”

“No, Dominic,” Ange assured him. “I am here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

“Well I don’t want you here. Leave me alone.”

As if to mark the end of the conversation, Dom closed his eyes again, gnawing at his bottom lip while he waited for Ange to move away from his bedside.

Accepting that Dom didn’t want to talk, she pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“If you don’t want to talk, that’s fine. But I love you, and I am not leaving you on your own. I will be right over there on that chair if you need me.”

Ange paused for a second, before smoothing his hair down on his head, and settled back in her chair, pulling the blanket back over her.

\---  
2.49am.

Ange awoke with a start. The room was silent, and Dom was asleep. She wasn’t sure what woke her up, but she stood up, deciding to check on her son anyway. Walking around the bed, she momentarily paused to compose herself. Although Dom was lying still, he wasn’t asleep. He was looking blankly at the blue curtain separating him from the rest of the ward, a distant expression on his face.

“Dominic?” Ange asked quietly, reaching out to place a hand on his shoulder. Dom, who hadn’t seen her approach, flinched out of the way, groaning when the sudden movement aggravated some of his injuries.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” Ange apologised.

Dom just continued to stare past her, his eyes not even focussing on her when she moved into his line of sight, crouching down in front of him.

“Do you want to talk about all this?” she asked him quietly, waiting for an answer that didn’t come.

After a few minutes of silence, and Dom still looking straight through her, Ange accepted that he wasn’t going to talk.

“Okay, Dom, you try and get some sleep. I love you,” she whispered, kissing his forehead and retreating back to the chair.

\---  
3.15am.

“I’ve had enough.”

Ange sat up straight, immediately alert. She hadn’t actually fallen back to sleep, but Dom’s voice cutting through the silence made her jump.

“I know it’s hard,” Ange replied, leaning forward, “But you will adapt. It will just take time.”

“It’s too much,” Dom whispered, turning his head to look at his mum. “It’s just one thing after the other. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

Ange pulled her chair closer to the bed, and reached out a hand for Dom to take. He looked at it, and then shook his head.

“I can’t.”

Trying to keep her expression neutral, Ange nodded her head, whispering her understanding.

“You should go home,” Dom muttered, looking up at the ceiling.

“I’m not leaving you,” she reassured him.

“You have work tomorrow. You have patients. Chloe might need you.”

“I’m not going anywhere Dom, you come first.”

“Since when?” Dom asked coldly.

Ange took a breath, trying not to take his comments to heart. She had learnt by now that Dom kicked out when he was upset. Using her own words against her, when he knew that she regretted saying them, was one way to get to her.

“Why do you push away people who love you?” Ange asked calmly, trying to gain some clarity.

“Everyone leaves. Might as well cut to the chase.”

“Dominic, you have my word. I love you, and I am not leaving you.”

Dom looked straight at Ange, as if judging how truthful she was being. Ange maintained steady, patient eye contact, not wavering in the slightest.

Eventually, Dom nodded.

“Sorry,” he whispered.

“It’s okay,” Ange said, “You’ve had one hell of a shock. This is going to take time to adjust to.”

“What if I don’t want to?”

Ange’s breath caught in her throat. “What do you mean?” she asked shakily.

“I’ve had enough. It’s been one thing after another for my entire life and I don’t want to do it anymore.”

Ange nodded. “I understand,” she said. “You’ve had to deal with a lot over the last couple of years, what with Isaac, and Lofty, and Essie. I know it can feel like it has overshadowed the rest of your life, but once the intensity wears off, you’ll feel better.”

Dom laughed humourlessly. “You don’t know the half of it,” he muttered, turning his head away, marking the end of the conversation.

Now that Dom had started opening up, Ange was unwilling to let it go. She walked around to the other side of the bed, making sure he knew that she was there before placing a comforting hand on Dom’s shoulder.

“Talk to me,” Ange urged Dom. “Help me understand.”

“Are you sure you want to hear it?” Dom asked. “It’s a lot.”

Ange paused. Suddenly her son looked very small in his hospital bed.

“I’m sure.”

\---  
3.18am.

“It started when I came out to Carole and Barry when I was a teenager. I had a date with a boy from school. Barry told me that if I went out with him I wouldn’t be allowed to come home. He said that he wouldn’t let me embarrass him in front of all his friends.”

“That’s awful,” Ange muttered.

“I went out anyway,” Dom continued.

“Good for you,” Ange said proudly. “What did Barry do?” she asked, when Dom bit on his lip.

“He locked the door,” Dom whispered. “It was the middle of November, and I had to sleep in the back garden. Carole didn’t know what he had done, so she went to sleep. She came down to put crusts of bread out for the birds at 5am, and found me curled up under a bush. I was freezing, and I caught an awful cold that took ages to shake.”

Ange could barely breathe, but forced herself to keep listening.

“What did Barry say when Carole asked him about it?” she asked, unwilling to believe that Carole would just let something like that happen.

“He said that I’d told him that I was taking a key, so he just locked up like normal. I don’t think she believed him, but she couldn’t do anything about it. He worked and she took care of me. He managed all the finances, so she was stuck.”

Ange suddenly understood where Carole was coming from when she said that Dom and Barry didn’t get on. She thought it was just the usual father/son disagreements. Not open homophobia.

“Did it ever get better?” she asked, dreading the answer.

“He was more subtle about it, and so was I. We kind of operated on a don’t ask, don’t tell policy. Well, until I took Arthur, my best friend, on a trip home. Barry went on a rant about how disappointing it was to have me as a son, and Arthur pulled me up on stage, in front of all of Barry’s friends. We sung ‘I Will Survive’ by Gloria Gaynor on karaoke, and when it got to the chorus, he kissed me. He wasn’t even gay; he was just on my side.”

Ange smiled, glad that Dom had someone fighting his corner, but the melancholy look on his face made her think back over what Dom had just said.

“He _was_ on your side? Did you have a fight?” Ange asked.

“No, that’s chapter two of all the ways life has tried to screw me over,” Dom said drily.

“What do you mean?” Ange asked.

“He died,” Dom whispered, and this time he reached out a hand towards Ange, who didn’t hesitate in grasping it tightly in both of hers, pretending not to see the faint white lines that littered his wrist.

“How?” Ange asked, not sure she wanted to know the answer.

“Cancer. He found a mole, and it ended up being a melanoma. He died. I went with him when he decided to break the news to his parents. God, they were devastated. I remember feeling horrible, because I was watching his father cry, and I was jealous. I was jealous because I knew that Barry would never react like that if it were me who was dying. Anyway, Arthur and I had been through so much together. We’d helped Zosia before she got her bipolar diagnosis, when the mania was really bad, and the three of us lived together. We were happy. We were indestructible. But now they’re both gone. Arthur’s dead and Zosia has her new life with Ollie and the baby. And I don’t resent them of that. God knows they deserve happiness after everything that they’ve been through. But I hardly ever hear from Zosia anymore. We used to be so close and now they’re gone.”

Dom squeezed her hand tightly, and Ange looked down, rubbing her thumb over his knuckles as she gave him a chance to compose himself. After a few minutes she heard him take a slow, deep breath, and looked back into his eyes.

“Okay?” she asked quietly.

“Arthur’s got a plaque in the Peace Garden,” Dom said, avoiding Ange’s query. “I go there when I need to be close to him.”

Ange nodded, recalling the gold plaque in her mind, and storing away that piece of information for the future. At least she had an idea now of where to look first when Dom needed to hide.

“Could I have some water?” Dom asked, and Ange nodded, promising to be quick as she left his side. She had a feeling that there was still a lot more for them to talk about. Her heart was already breaking when she thought about what he had already told her, but she wanted to know about her son. Everything. The good, the bad, and the devastating.

\---  
4.01am.

Ange took the glass out of Dom’s hands and placed it on the table next to his bed.

“Do you want to carry on?” Ange asked, pulling her chair closer to the bed. She offered Dom her hand again, and let out a breath of relief when, this time, he immediately held it tightly in his.

Dom looked at Ange, and bit his lip. “The next bit is Isaac,” he muttered.

Ange closed her eyes. “You don’t have to tell me,” she reassured him. “I do want to know everything, but I don’t want to upset you. It’s your choice, sweetheart.”

Dom shook his head, muttering that he needed to do it.

“It was shortly after Arthur died,” Dom began. “I was spiralling. I was in self-destruct mode. I was going out, getting drunk, hooking up with random guys. One of those was Isaac. It was supposed to be just one night. But then he turned up at Holby. He was a new doctor on Keller.”

Ange swallowed, immediately drawing parallels between Isaac and Evan.

“He knew how to get me to rely on him,” Dom continued. “He would pick away at me, point out my flaws, judge my every decision, until eventually I just let him make all the choices. Soon, though, that wasn’t enough. That’s when he started hitting me. I didn’t even realise that something about our relationship wasn’t right until he landed that first punch.”

Dom paused, looking at Ange as if to check that she was coping with what he was telling her. She just nodded, waiting for him to continue.

“He made me believe that I didn’t understand what an adult relationship was like. He told me that if I loved him I would agree to have an open relationship. He would go out with random men, but the one time I tried, he hurt me. Said I was purposefully trying to make him feel inadequate, because I obviously fancied this other guy more than him. He used to make out that, because I didn’t want an open relationship, I was really immature, just ‘a toddler throwing a tantrum’, and that I should feel grateful that he was willing to put up with me.”

At the toddler comment, Ange felt a twisting in her stomach.

“Oh my god, I said the same thing to you last year, after you’d fallen out with Carole. I told you to stop acting like a two year old throwing a tantrum.”

“Believe me, my mind drew the parallels,” Dom confirmed. “That’s why I was so angry. I could just hear his voice in my head, and I refused to listen to it any longer, so I fought back. I don’t blame you, though,” Dom hurried to reassure Ange when he saw the immensely guilty look on her face. “You didn’t know. It was an accurate assessment, and something that, when said to anyone else, would barely make a mark. It was just unlucky that Isaac had broken me down in the past.”

“I’m so sorry,” Ange whispered, horrified that she had inadvertently caused him pain.

“It’s fine. Your comment didn’t come with a beating,” Dom stated coldly, shrugging one shoulder, as if to dismiss it.

“Did nobody at work notice everything with Isaac?” asked Ange, starting to feel angry at the people that she worked with, who hadn’t noticed that her son was in danger.

“Zosia did,” said Dom. “She told Sacha and they tried to get me to see sense, but Isaac was too far inside my head. Then, domestic violence leaflets started showing up in my locker. I got so angry at Zosia, thinking it was her. It was only after I fell down the stairs whilst trying to get away from Isaac, that I found out the truth. It was Hanssen. He had noticed and was trying to give me resources to help me get out.”

“You and Hanssen are close, aren’t you?” Ange said, thankful that Hanssen had Dom’s back.

“Yeah, and he really helped me out in the months following that. Although that spectacularly backfired too.”

“What do you mean?” Ange asked, not sure she wanted to know the answer.

“I’m sorry, we can’t skip ahead. We still have another trauma to get to first,” Dom said bitterly.

Ange turned the corners of her lips up with an attempt of a small smile. But Dom noticed that she subtly turned her head away to wipe a few stray tears that had escaped down her cheeks.

“Do you want me to stop?” Dom asked quietly.

“No,” Ange said straight away. “You lived through it and survived it. The least I can do is listen.”

\---  
4.17am.

“Before I tell you this next bit, I need you to promise that you won’t judge me.”

“Of course I promise Dom, I love you,” Ange stated categorically.

“You’ve said that a lot tonight,” Dom pointed out.

“When you were in theatre, I realised that I haven’t said it enough. I want to make sure you know how much I love you, and how happy I am to have you in my life. You do believe that, don’t you?” she asked hopefully.

Dom opened his mouth, before closing it and glancing down at their joined hands.

“After Isaac,” he started, and Ange tried not to show the disappointment she felt that he didn’t reply, “I started going to the gym. I was determined not to be the victim anymore. I was working out four, sometimes five times a week. But it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t getting stronger quickly enough.”

Dom paused, but something told Ange that he didn’t want her to fill the silence. So she waited.

“I developed an addiction to steroids.”

Ange looked down at Dom, who was looking anywhere but her. He looked terrified of her reaction, and so she leant forward, pressed a kiss into his hairline, and whispered again to him that she loved him.

“I’m clean now, obviously, but it was really hard. Hanssen helped me. He persuaded me to go to meetings, and he monitored me at work. But his son didn’t like that.”

“Hanssen has a son?” Ange asked, trying to remember if anybody mentioned that. She remembered Sara bringing Oskar in, but didn’t remember Henrik talking about his son.

“He had a son,” Dom muttered. “He came in as a locum, I think. Hanssen didn’t really want him to stay; they’d never really got on, because Frederik felt abandoned by Hanssen when he came to England and left Frederik in Sweden.”

“So their reunion went about as well as ours then?” she asked, trying to inject a little bit of humour into the situation. But, from the look on Dom’s face, she suddenly realised that she had made a huge mistake.

“You really don’t know what happened, do you?” asked Dom incredulously. He would’ve thought that Fletch might have told her, considering everything that Jac had gone through. By the way that she was looking at him, though, Ange was obviously in the dark.

“Frederik’s arrival at the hospital overlapped with Hanssen helping me get off the steroids. We had sort of developed a bit of a father/son bond, especially after everything with Isaac. Frederik was jealous of that. One day I made the decision to throw out my last full packets of steroids. Frederik found them in the bin, emptied the tablets out, and took the empty packets to Hanssen, pretending that I was still using. He was hoping to get Hanssen to give up on me.”

“Did Hanssen believe him?” Ange asked.

“No,” Dom replied. “Thankfully, as soon as I had thrown them out, I went and told Hanssen. I was really proud of myself. So when Frederik came to him later, Hanssen knew that he was lying, and told him to leave the hospital for good.”

“Thank god for that,” Ange muttered, but the look on Dom’s face caused her to pause. “He came back, didn’t he?” she asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.

“He came back,” Dom confirmed. “With a gun.”

Ange couldn’t help it; she flew over to the corner and threw up in the sink.

“I didn’t get shot,” Dom hurriedly called out to reassure her, as she slowly made her way back. He offered her his hand and she gripped it tightly.

“Even so, that must have been horrific,” Ange said, feeling herself physically trembling. How had she not known about all of the trauma that had gone on in her son’s life?

Dom nodded, unsure if Ange wanted to hear the next bit, but felt like she ought to know.

“He nearly got me,” he said, keeping a tight grip on his mum’s hand. “He was pointing the gun straight at me when Hanssen came up with the police. They shot him before he could do anymore damage. He’d already killed Essie’s husband, the husband of one of Hanssen’s friends, and caused permanent brain damage to Ollie. But, when they searched his home afterwards, they found a list of his targets. I was top of that list.”

“I could have lost you before I even got to know you,” Ange whispered, horrified.

“You didn’t though,” Dom reassured her, squeezing her hand.

“When did this happen?” Ange asked, trying to put a time scale on the event in relation to her starting at the hospital.

“The end of 2017,” Dom replied. “Lofty and I were just starting to explore a relationship, so it was still early days. The sculpture in front of the hospital? With the two figures leaning on each other? That’s a dedication to Raf; Essie’s husband.”

Ange nodded, silently vowing to herself to go and visit it at a later date.

“So, did things start getting better for you, now that you and Lofty were together?”

“For the most part,” Dom said.

“What else could there possibly be for life to throw at you?” asked Ange.

\---  
5.02am.

“Things were kind of rocky to start with,” Dom explained. “Lofty was my first serious relationship since Isaac, and although Lofty is the softest, kindest person you could ever meet, I was terrified that he would end up like Isaac. I felt like I was walking on eggshells for the first few months, never making a decision in case it was the wrong one. It took a long time for me to feel safe with him. Especially the first time we were, you know, ‘together’, I’d forgotten how it felt for someone to care about me in that situation.”

“Did Isaac ever…” Ange trailed off.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Dom stated, and Ange nodded, knowing not to push it.

“But Lofty and I, we started getting to a really good place. And then we had a patient come in who I treated. I don’t even remember completely how it happened, but I got a needle stick injury, and contracted Hepatitis C.”

Ange couldn’t help shaking her head as she counted up all the ways that Dom had struggled, mostly on his own. She felt so guilty for assuming that he didn’t need her, and telling him as much. It took a second for her to realise that he was still talking.

“It was treated successfully,” Dom explained, “But while all the treatments were going on, I just felt so dirty, and undesirable. I started pulling away from Lofty, and it took a while to get back on track again. And that was something internal,” Dom said, tears welling up again. “How is anyone going to find me attractive looking like this?”

“There is a man out there,” Ange murmured, rubbing her thumb over Dom’s knuckles, “Who is waiting to meet you. The fact that you have a stoma won’t bother him. You are still beautiful, and anyone who doesn’t see that is not worth your time.”

Dom shook his head. “I don’t believe you,” he cried, pulling his hand out of Ange’s grasp, before gasping in pain.

“Okay, okay, just lie still,” Ange whispered, quickly giving him the once over. Satisfied that he hadn’t done any damage, she sat down next to him, resting her hand on Dom’s leg when she noticed that he had moved his hand out of reach.

“But yeah, you started not long after that, so you’re more of less up to speed now.”

Ange nodded, before pausing. “More or less?”

Dom bit his lip again. “There’s something I haven’t told you,” he said slowly, “But I don’t want you to be angry at me, or feel guilty. But you know everything else, so…”

“I promise I won’t be angry at you,” Ange replied. “I can’t promise that I won’t feel guilty, because I already do. I feel so guilty that I wasn’t there to support you. Sacha mentioned once that you’d had ‘problems’ in the past, but said that they were nothing serious, and I didn’t push him for details. At the time he didn’t know who I was to you, and I didn’t want him to think I was poking my nose where it didn’t belong.”

“Okay,” Dom said, drawing in a deep breath to compose himself. “Do you remember back when Chloe had just found out about me, and you had told me that she needed you more, and I had a family to support me, but she didn’t?”

Ange nodded, but didn’t say anything, sensing that Dom was really anxious about telling her this.

“That same day was when Lofty told me that he had cheated on me with Helen while he was in Vegas. I just felt so alone, and so, the next day I downloaded a hook-up app. Just to spite him.”

“Okay,” Ange said, not quite knowing where this was going.

“Isaac was on there,” Dom confessed, tears starting to pool in his eyes. “I felt like I had nobody, and nobody wanted me, but Isaac always had, and I contacted him. I’m the reason that he came back to the hospital. He purposefully hurt his dad so that he would be brought to Holby, and then he pushed Lofty down the stairs, and he cause all this damage, and it was all my fault!”

“No! No, no, no, no, no,” Ange was quick to reassure him, her heart breaking as she watched Dom’s thoughts spiralling again. “This was not your fault. Isaac did those things, not you. You were vulnerable, and I’m so sorry that I didn’t realise that you were struggling too. I shouldn’t have kept prioritising Chloe over you, when you needed me too. I just assumed that you were doing okay.”

“I’m just tired of constantly feeling vulnerable, and under threat, and scared,” Dom sobbed, finally letting out the feelings that had been consuming him since he had woken up from his surgery.

“I know you are, sweetheart, but it will get better.”

“When?” Dom asked her tearfully. “Because it has been years and years of abuse, and heartbreak, and fear, and loss, and misery, and this is too much. I can’t cope with any more. I don’t want this anymore.”

Ange stood up from her chair and perched on the edge of Dom’s bed, so that she could lean over him to maintain eye contact.

“You are not alone, Dominic,” she reassured him. “I am right here, and once you can be discharged, you are coming home with me, and we will navigate this together. I love you, and I am not going to let you deal with this on your own.”

“I don’t want to impose.”

“Not possible,” Ange stated. “You are my son, and you will never, ever be an imposition. I am so sorry that I ever made you feel like that, but it ends now. I am your mum, and I love you, and I am not letting you deal with one more thing on your own.”

“Okay,” Dom conceded quietly. He lifted his arms out from under the covers, and took a deep breath before turning them over to show his wrists.

“You saw these, didn’t you?” he asked, motioning to the scars. When Ange nodded, he reassured her, “You don’t need to worry. They’re really old. From when I was at school. Carole got me help, and I stopped. I’m not going to go backwards; I haven’t done it in about fifteen years.”

“You’re so strong,” Ange said, relieved at what Dom had told her. “I’m so, so proud of you. I’m sorry that you have had to deal with so much; it really isn’t fair. And I know that things seem bleak, but I promise you will feel better with time. I can’t promise that you will love having a stoma; it’s different for everyone; but it’s all so new and raw at the moment. I completely understand why you are struggling with it. But I’m going to be by your side every step of the way.”

Dom nodded, acknowledging what his birth mother had told him. Taking a deep breath, he asked her one more thing, just to make sure.

“The, erm, thing that you keep saying tonight. You really mean it?”

Ange paused for a second before realising what her son was referring to.

“Yes, Dominic, I really mean it. I will keep telling you until you believe it, and I will continue telling you after you believe it, because it is true, and you deserve to hear it. I never want you to be in doubt. I love you Dominic.”

“I, erm,” Dom paused, taking a breath.

“It’s okay,” Ange reassured him. “It’s okay. You just get some sleep.”

Dom tugged slightly on her hand. “Can you, I’m sorry to ask, I know you need sleep, but can you stay next to me until I fall asleep?”

Ange immediately sat up by his head, and ran her fingers softly through Dom’s hair, as he tilted his head to rest it on her leg.

“I love you, sweetheart,” Ange whispered one more time.

She felt Dom take a shuddering breath, before she heard him whisper a reply.

“I love you too, Ange.”

\---  
8.56am.

Chloe walked towards the blue curtain and stepped around it. She was about to greet the pair, but paused when she saw that Dom and Ange were both still asleep: Ange propped up against the wall, and Dom resting his head on her thigh, both of them looking serene in sleep.

Chloe pulled the chair that Ange had abandoned closer to the bed, kissed both Ange and Dom on the head, before sitting down, placing her hand on top of their joined ones while she waited for them to wake up.

“Love you guys,” she whispered.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place in s22e39, when Dom returns to the hospital after leaving to go to a bar. Chloe learns about Dom's past. Thanks to Rose for the idea!!

It had been a week since Dom had told Ange about the hardships in his life, and she was reminded of his vulnerabilities now, as she stood watching him sob at the thought of going on TPN. He had, in the last couple of days, started adjusting to the idea of having a stoma, or at least she thought he had. But then today he made the decision to trick Sacha into discharging him, and then went out drinking with some guy. Telling him that she would be right back, she quickly went to organise Sacha doing Dom’s surgery, and then went back to him, saddened to see the tears still rolling down her son’s face.

“He said he’d jump out the window,” Dom muttered, angrily wiping the tears away from his face.

Frowning, Ange stepped closer to his bed, and reached out to rest her hand on Dom’s head, rubbing her thumb along his hairline.

“Who did?” Ange asked. “What do you mean?”

Taking a breath, Dom tried to compose himself.

“Harry,” Dom clarified. “The guy that I went to meet today. He asked me what the worst date was that I ever went on, so I made up a guy, and said he had a stoma. He asked me what I did, so I just said that I probably did the same thing that he would do, and Harry said that he’d jump out the window.”

“Oh, Dominic, I’m sorry,” Ange said softly, gripping his hand in hers. “But he does not think the same thing as everyone else. You will find some people who have a certain knee-jerk reaction to this, but not everyone. Not the important people.”

Dom nodded his head, and opened his mouth as if to say something, but was interrupted before he could.

“Are you kidding me, Dom?”

Ange and Dom both turned around to see an angry Chloe heading over to them. Ange sighed when she remembered that she had only given Chloe the bare details. When Dom vanished, Ange had recruited Chloe, who was on a day off, to go to Ange’s place in case Dominic showed up there. Then, when he returned to the hospital, Ange had quickly texted her daughter to let her know that he had shown up, but was needing to go back into surgery to try and fix the damage.

“Chloe, please -” Ange started, but was quickly interrupted.

“No, mum, this is ridiculous. You can’t do this Dom! We were so worried! I know you’re going through a lot at the moment, but you need to take some responsibility for your own health! You’re a grown adult, not some little kid who doesn’t know better!”

“Sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Dom muttered, seemingly shrinking into himself. Ange suddenly remembered her conversation with Dom last week, and, more specifically, how Isaac used to say Dom was immature as a way to control him.

“It’s okay, Dominic,” Ange said quietly, missing Chloe rolling her eyes.

“It’s not okay, mum!” Chloe exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. She turned to address Dom directly, her voice getting louder, and angrier, and she stepped forward, gesturing in front of Dom’s face, accidentally clipping his cheek as she got more frustrated, and her hand movements got more frantic. “Mum said you can be ridiculously immature! Throwing your toys out the pram like some toddler isn’t going to -”

“CHLOE! Enough!” Ange shouted, and the effect was immediate. Chloe paused mid-sentence, shocked at the way that Ange had spoken to her, and in the silence they heard Dom muttering, holding one hand to his cheek where Chloe had accidentally caught him.

“Please stop, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I’ll be better, please, I’m sorry, it’s all my fault, please don’t hurt me, I’ll do anything…”

Ange slowly approached her son, who quickly lifted his arms in front of his face, as if in self-defence. She placed her hand on his clenched fists, but withdrew quickly when Dom flinched away.

“Dominic,” Ange said calmly, waiting for him to stop talking. “You’re okay, you’re safe. It’s just you, me, and Chloe. Can you look at me?”

“Mum, what’s going on?” Chloe asked, backing away from the bed, but Ange just shook her head, focusing on a trembling Dom, who had lifted his head to look just over Ange’s shoulder at the blue curtain.

“You’re okay, Dominic,” Ange said again. “Can you take some deep breaths for me?”

Dom took a juddering breath. Then another. Gradually his breaths started evening out.

“That’s it, well done sweetheart,” Ange reassured him. “Can I touch you?” she asked, wanting to make sure he knew that he had control of the situation, and was relieved when he nodded. Slowly, and making sure that Dom could see her movements at all times, Ange placed one hand on his shoulder, and one on his wrist, surreptitiously taking his pulse as she leant forward to kiss his head, relieved to feel a strong, steady beat under her fingertips, gradually slowing down.

“Better?” she asked, and Dom nodded, apologising under his breath.

“You have nothing to apologise for,” Ange said comfortingly, but Chloe couldn’t help commenting.

“I think he has something to apologise for,” she started. “I’m sorry if I seemed harsh Dom, but you need to see that your actions have consequences, and that as a grown adult you need to -”

“Chloe,” Ange said, a warning tone in her voice. “I told you. That’s enough. Go and wait in my office, and I’ll come in when Dom’s gone down to surgery.”

Feeling chastised, Chloe nodded, wishing Dom luck before she left.

“I’m so sorry that she said those things,” Ange said, but Dom shook his head.

“She doesn’t know,” he replied. “She doesn’t know the impact the words have. I don’t normally panic like that, but she was so close, and waving her hands, and then she caught my cheek, and I don’t know what happened. I just saw him in front of me, shouting in my face, and he was hitting me, and, and…”

“Okay, take a breath, you’re getting yourself all worked up again,” Ange said, waiting while Dom took a few calming breaths.

“You should tell Chloe,” Dom decided.

“About Isaac?” Ange asked.

“About everything we talked about last week,” Dom clarified. “If you think she’ll be okay hearing it.”

“Are you sure?” Ange asked, unsure if Dom was thinking straight.

Dom nodded. “Do you remember when Lofty and I were meant to be having our vow renewal, and Chloe had come to me to tell me that she was pregnant?” When Ange nodded he continued. “Well, she told me that she didn’t know if she wanted to raise a child. She tried to turn the conversation to me, and whether I want kids, but I told her that we weren’t talking what I wanted. When I asked her what she wanted, she just said ‘no more secrets’. Anyone who has worked here as long as me knows bits and pieces of what happened. I don’t particularly want it getting out to people who weren’t here then, but as long as she only talks about it with either me or you, then I’m okay with her knowing.”

“Okay,” Ange said. “If you’re sure.”

Dom nodded, but before either of them could say any more, Sacha appeared round the curtain to take Dom down to theatre.

\---

Once she had seen Dom go down to theatre, Ange took a deep breath and stepped into her office. She was still unsure how she was going to handle this, but she knew that Chloe needed to know why Dom had reacted the way he had. Closing the door behind her, she sat down opposite her daughter, but before she could start talking, the emotions of the last week took over, and Ange doubled over as she sobbed.

“Oh my god, mum, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you!” Chloe exclaimed, leaning forward and embracing Ange as she cried.

“He’s been through so much, and it isn’t fair,” Ange said, trying to wipe away her tears.

“I know, he’s had a rough year or so,” Chloe said, confused when Ange shook her head, pulling away.

“That’s what I said last week, when he said that he couldn’t handle anymore. But god, Chloe, he’s dealt with so much, and I thought he had an easy life, and I have put him second again and again, because I knew that you needed me, and I didn’t know how broken he was! And I don’t even think broken is the right word, because he’s just kept putting himself back together again, and again, and again, and again, and I hate that he’s learnt to rely on himself so much.”

“What do you mean?” asked Chloe.

Ange, who took a few deep breaths, sat up straight and wiped away the remaining tears.

“Chloe, Dom has said I can tell you about what we talked about. But you need to be sure that you can handle it. Because, this time, he needs to be the priority. I will talk about this with you whenever you need to, but Dominic needs me right now. And he won’t tell me that he needs me, because I’ve let him down too many times. And before you say that you can handle it, you need to remember what he has been through just in the time that we’ve known him. With Isaac coming back, Lofty cheating on him and getting a woman pregnant, then losing that baby, their marriage breaking down, and Essie dying. Not to mention all the drama with finding out about the adoption. Then all of this. And this is literally not even half of what has happened in his life. So you need to be one hundred per cent sure.”

Chloe took a moment to think. But then she thought about Dom’s face when she had shouted earlier, and her mum’s distress as she sat in front of her now, and knew that there was only one option.

“I want to know,” she decided. “I want to be able to support you and Dom however you need me. You’re right, I did need you a lot in the past, and Dom fell by the wayside. But he’s my big brother. He managed to get me to leave Evan when I didn’t even properly see the problems. He’s tried to protect me, even when I didn’t want it, or deserve it. Now it’s my turn.”

Ange smiled slightly, a feeling of pride washing over her. “Okay,” she said, “But you also need to know that Dom has asked that you don’t talk about anything that I am about to tell you with anyone except myself or him. He’s moved past it and doesn’t want people who weren’t here at the times these things happened to find out. So that includes Nicky or Cam.”

Chloe immediately nodded in agreement.

“Okay,” Ange said, taking a deep breath. “God, I don’t even know where to begin.”

“I guess, Isaac?” suggested Chloe. “I’m assuming that’s the start?”

“If only it was,” Ange sighed, drawing in a shuddering breath. “It started with Barry and Carole. I handed my son over to them, thinking that I was giving him the opportunity for a better life, and instead he had to live with a father who was homophobic to the point of locking his own son out of the house!”

“What do you mean?” asked Chloe, furrowing her brow.

“When he was a teenager, he went out for a date with a boy. Barry was so angry that Dom’s sexuality could ‘embarrass’ him, that he told Dominic that he wouldn’t be allowed back in the house if he went on the date. When Dom went anyway, Barry locked the door, and Dom had to spend the night in the garden. It was winter, anything could have happened!”

Chloe paused, unable to imagine a parent acting like that, when she had always had her mother’s unconditional support. For as long as she could remember, Ange had always made sure that she knew that she would be loved and accepted no matter what she did or who she was.

“Why did Carole stay?” she asked.

“Barry spun some story about crossed wires, but ultimately, Barry had control of the finances. Carole had no choice,” Ange explained. “Apparently, the first time anyone stood up to Barry was when Dom took his friend with him when he went to visit them a few years back.”

“Anyone we know?” asked Chloe, hoping that it was someone like Sacha, or Fletch. Someone consistent and reliable, who was still standing by Dom’s side now. But from the look on her mum’s face, she knew that it probably wasn’t the case.

“No,” sighed Ange. “His name was Arthur Digby.”

Chloe frowned. “Why do I know that name?” she asked, trying unsuccessfully to recall where she had come across it.

“There’s a gold plaque dedicated to him in the peace garden. Arthur was Dominic’s best friend. Apparently those two and Zosia were inseparable, but he and Arthur were especially close. By the sounds of it, Arthur had his back unconditionally, and was, sort of, his moral compass. But he found a mole one day. Turns out it was cancerous, and then he died. Basically, he lost Essie and Arthur in very similar ways,” Ange said, feeling herself getting emotional again.

“God, poor Dom,” Chloe sighed, feeling a wave of pain rush over her as she thought about what her brother had been through. “I can’t even imagine how hard that must have been.”

Ange nodded, bracing herself for what was coming next.

“Arthur’s death is what brought Isaac into Dom’s life,” Ange said, watching Chloe to make sure she was processing all the information. At Chloe’s nod, she continued.

“I think we have found out today that Dominic doesn’t handle grief and pain in a constructive way. When he was determined to be discharged today, I should have considered this was a possibility now I know this. But after Arthur died, Dominic spiralled, and went out drinking and having one night stands with men he met in bars. One of those men was Isaac, but then he started working at the hospital. God, Chloe, he did so much damage. He forced Dom to be in an open relationship, but then punished Dom for meeting another man. He undermined him, manipulated him, and that’s before he got physical. I think that there might have been some sexual abuse too, but when I went to ask him, Dom just shut the conversation down and refused to talk about it.”

Chloe, who had been looking at her feet, looked up at Ange when she suddenly fell silent. Seeing Ange was biting her lip, Chloe knew that something worse was coming.

“Mum?” Chloe prompted her.

“There’s a reason why Dom reacted the way he did today,” Ange started. “Apparently a major way that Isaac would manipulate and control Dominic was by telling him that he was immature, and didn’t know what it was like to be in a mature relationship. On the rare occasions that Dominic would stand up to Isaac, Isaac would just tell Dom that he was behaving like a ‘toddler throwing a tantrum’.”

“God, I kept saying that to him today,” Chloe gasped.

“Yeah,” Ange sighed. “I’ve said it to him before, and he got really angry. He said that it was because he could hear Isaac’s voice in his head and he didn’t want to listen.”

“But he didn’t get angry today, he got scared,” pointed out Chloe, feeling confused.

“You clipped him on the cheek when you were waving your hands around,” Ange informed her daughter, reaching out to hold her hand when she saw the horror on Chloe’s face. “When we talked about all of this last week, I apologised for calling him a two year old throwing a tantrum, and I can remember his exact words. ‘It’s fine. Your comment didn’t come with a beating’. I know you didn’t mean to hurt him, but I think the combination of the words and the action panicked him, and took him back.”

“I feel terrible,” gasped Chloe, horrified that she had caused her brother so much suffering. “I just want to go and see him.”

“I know,” said Ange, “And I’m sure once he’s out of surgery he’ll be open to seeing you. I think we just have to be careful what sort of language we use about him. By calling Dominic immature, Isaac took away Dom’s voice, and control, and ability to make any sort of decision. It’s something that still stays with him today, and even if he doesn’t tell people, every time someone calls him that, it hurts him, and takes him back to a dark period of his life.”

“A bit like how Evan would use my anxiety to make me think that I was always just paranoid,” Chloe realised, running a hand over her face. “I still get angry when anyone says I’m over-thinking, or seeing things that aren’t there, because it reminds me of how Evan would use my insecurities to control me.”

“Exactly,” Ange confirmed. “So, after Isaac finally got arrested, Dominic focused on trying to build up his strength, with the plan to be able to protect himself in the future. But when he wasn’t seeing a difference quickly enough, he started taking steroids. He got addicted to them.”

“I can’t imagine how he must have been feeling,” Chloe said. “And where were his friends during all of this?”

“Sacha and Zosia had tried to get him out of the relationship, but Isaac had got in Dom’s head and Dominic wouldn’t accept anything was wrong. Ultimately, it was Hanssen who had his back. He kept putting domestic violence leaflets in his locker, then, afterwards, he supported Dom through his steroid addiction. He got him to go to meetings, and supported him at work. Basically, I think Hanssen is a major contributing factor to Dom’s recovery.”

“It’s funny,” Chloe said. “I can’t imagine Hanssen being a father figure to anyone. He just doesn’t seem the type.”

“Yeah,” Ange sighed, rubbing her eyes. “It’s kind of ironic that you say that. Because Henrik had a son. Frederik. He was jealous of Dom and Hanssen’s relationship, and tried to sabotage it. Hanssen saw right through it, and sent Frederik away. Told him to leave the hospital and not come back. Apparently they didn’t really have a relationship anyway, because Henrik left Frederik in Sweden when he came to England.”

Chloe nodded, sensing that Ange didn’t want her to fill the silence this time. So she waited while Ange built up to whatever she was trying to say next.

“Chloe,” Ange said, her voice wobbling. “Hanssen’s son came back to the hospital with a gun, and started shooting. Dom was his target. Thankfully he didn’t get him, but, god, it was close.”

“Wait,” Chloe said, frowning. “Hanssen’s son was the one who was responsible for the spree shooting that killed Essie’s husband?”

“Hang on, you know about the shooting?” asked Ange incredulously. “How do you know about it and I didn’t?”

“Nicky started just after it happened,” explained Chloe. “Security was still tight, and Jac was recovering. She’d been shot in the back and had to undergo some experimental surgery that nearly killed her. We were drinking one night and she told me all about it. She told me that she had heard from one of the nurses on Keller that the shooter pointed the gun straight at Dom. Dom had been running the ward, and had single-handedly been responsible for locking it down. He moved everyone into the scrub room, and then barricaded the doors. Apparently, when the shooter was in a standoff with Hanssen and the police, Dom actually said something about going to talk to him. He was only gone for a minute though; Lofty went after him and pulled him away.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” asked Ange angrily. “My son had a gun pointed at him and you didn’t think I should know that?”

“Hang on,” Chloe retorted. “I didn’t know he was your son at the time. I hadn’t been here long, and it was just a name in a story. I assumed that you knew about the shooting, considering you were dating Fletch, and Essie’s husband was his best friend. I thought it might have come up in conversation.”

Taking a breath, Ange nodded, apologising under her breath.

“Please tell me that everything got better after that?” Chloe begged. She didn’t think that she could bear to think of Dominic being in any more pain.

“Nearly,” Ange confirmed. “After that, he and Lofty started dating. He said that he was really anxious to start with; didn’t want to risk upsetting Lofty by saying or doing the wrong thing. But they were getting to a really good place. And then he treated a patient, got a needle stick injury and contracted Hepatitis C.”

“What? I mean, how?” asked Chloe, shaking her head.

“I know,” Ange said. “He’s fine now, but apparently it really affected his self-confidence at the time, and worried about Lofty not being attracted to him anymore. And that’s what he’s worrying about now. The guy he met today said that if he was with someone and found out that he had a stoma, he would jump out the window.”

“No wonder he’s self destructing,” realised Chloe. “I feel so guilty. How is he still standing? Every day he seems absolutely fine. If that were me I don’t think that I would have coped so well.”

“That’s the problem,” Ange told her. “He isn’t coping. I think he’s just been faced with one trauma after the next, and instead of dealing with them, he’s just waited for the next trauma to come along. The homophobia that Barry displayed was a constant undercurrent until Arthur stood up for Dom. Then Arthur died, and he drank himself to distraction until Isaac came along. He dealt with the trauma of Isaac by turning to steroids. As soon as he got a handle on that, he was the target of a spree shooter. Then came the Hepatitis C. Hell, even the trauma that I caused him just completed the cycle.”

“What do you mean?” asked Chloe, not quite following Ange’s thought process.

“When you found out about who Dominic was, I knew that you were teetering. I sat Dom down and told him that you were my priority. I told him that he already had a family with Barry, Carole, and Lofty. I told him that I wasn’t his new mum, and that you needed me more than he did.”

“I didn’t know that,” Chloe said, feeling horrified.

“Well, immediately after that conversation, Lofty told Dominic that he had slept with Helen. And Dominic, felling completely abandoned and alone, downloaded a hook-up app. Isaac was on there. My son felt so alone that he felt that the only person he could turn to for support was his abuser. That’s why Isaac turned up to the hospital, thus completing the cycle.”

“So, what do we do now?” asked Chloe.

“Firstly, you need to apologise,” Ange said, giving Chloe a small smile when she saw her nodding immediately. “Then, I’ve told Dom that he is moving in with me until he is back on his feet. I’m not letting him out of my sight until he’s feeling more in control. We can’t let him spiral this time. Hopefully the stoma will still be viable, but, whatever the outcome, Dom is really struggling right now. He isn’t going to open up willingly, I can tell that he’s still wary about trusting me in case I desert him again, so I need to prove that I am here for him.”

“What can I do?” asked Chloe, wanting to be able to help.

Ange shrugged. “Just be his sister. Be there for him, support him.”

Chloe nodded. She could do that.

\---

A few hours later, Chloe and Ange approached the now familiar blue curtain in the recovery ward, both feeling a sick sense of deja-vu.

“Ready?” Ange asked, gripping Chloe’s hand when she nodded.

They stepped around the curtain, and smiled gently at Dominic, who watched them approach the bed.

“I’m so sorry, Dom,” Chloe said immediately, moving forward to hold his hand. “Mum filled me in on everything, and I’m so sorry that I said the things I did, and that I hurt you. I honestly didn’t mean to, and I promise it won’t happen again. I love you, and I’m here for whatever you need.”

“It’s okay,” Dom whispered, squeezing Chloe’s hand. “Are you alright? I’m guessing it was a lot of information to take in. Is there anything you want to talk about?”

Chloe and Ange both looked at Dom incredulously.

“Dom, this isn’t about me,” Chloe said gently. “I’m absolutely fine. I want to help you.”

“I’m okay,” Dom said, shrugging one shoulder, but Ange saw him glancing between the two of them uncertainly.

“Hey, Chloe? Why don’t you get us all some water?” Ange suggested, thankful when Chloe seemed to pick up on Dom’s discomfort. Agreeing, she quickly left, and Ange pulled a chair close, taking Dom’s hand in hers.

“How are you doing, sweetheart?” she asked.

“I still have the stoma,” Dom stated. Ange nodded, waiting for him to expand.

“It’s better than the alternative,” Dom explained, “But when I came round from the anaesthetic, I had a few minutes where I couldn’t remember why I’d been in surgery, or that I’d had the first surgery last week. It all just hit me again. Then I remembered that you were telling Chloe everything, and I panicked. I don’t want her to think any less of me.”

“She doesn’t,” Ange reassured him. “She feels so guilty for what happened before you went into surgery, but she thinks that you are so strong, and she admires you so much for dealing with everything that life has thrown at you.”

“Ange?” Dom asked nervously. “Is the offer still open for me to stay with you when I get discharged?”

“Absolutely,” Ange confirmed. “You stay as long as you want to. Believe me, I will be in no rush for you to go. I want to look after you.”

Dom nodded, then turned his head when he heard Chloe approaching the bed. Still gripping Ange’s hand tightly, he lifted his free hand towards Chloe, and waited while she put the water jug down, then came over to join her mum and brother.

“It is going to be okay, right?” asked Dom nervously, looking at their hands in his.

Chloe squeezed his hand in silent confirmation, while Ange lifted the hand that she was holding up to her lips to kiss it.

“Yes Dominic,” Ange confirmed. “I promise. Everything is going to be alright.”


End file.
